Why is it important to talk with children about what happened to George Floyd and other incidents of police brutality or racism in the news?

This is a piece that appreared in USA Today that I thought needed to be reposted.

Should we tell the children? How?

Those are among the many questions parents are asking after the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor. Many white parents wonder whether to talk with their kids at all, while parents of color swallow their grief and fear to have "the talk" once again.

These deaths are part of a more complex story, one some parents have been telling for generations, and others have long felt they've had the luxury to ignore. Experts in child psychology and race-based stress say these conversations are essential for all parents to have, and they underscore that there are developmentally appropriate ways to talk to children of all ages about racism and police brutality.

"Silence will not protect you or them," said Beverly Daniel Tatum, a psychologist and author of "Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? And Other Conversations About Race." "Avoiding the topic is not a solution."

Racism persists, experts say, because many parents avoid difficult conversations.

"One of the most important things to remember is that you may not have all the answers, and that is OK," said Erlanger Turner, a clinical psychologist and assistant professor of psychology at Pepperdine University who studies mental health among racial communities. 

Even young children may see or hear about highly publicized incidents like the George Floyd case – perhaps overhearing the TV or the radio –  and may ask questions. Or if parents are upset by the news, the child may perceive the parent’s distress and ask why Mom or Dad is upset. In either case, an age-appropriate explanation is better than silence. Older children with Internet access may see online images on their own. Initiating an age-appropriate conversation can give children a helpful frame for understanding difficult realities. If parents are silent, children will draw their own often faulty conclusions about what is happening and why.

I think the first place to start a conversation around racism and police brutality is with honesty. Take ownership of your feelings and be comfortable sharing those feelings with your child. Then you can begin to allow them to share what they may already know about racial differences. I think that it is always good to allow children to share their opinion and understanding before you offer information.

For younger children conversations about racism should be limited to basic facts about how people are treated differently due to the color of their skin but also acknowledge that not everyone treats people differently based on race. For older teens, parents can consider exposure to news or social media posts as discussion points about this issue.